A Failure to Communicate Part 2: Autism and Relationships

Having Asperger’s makes life difficult. It makes for frustration due to an inability to properly communicate your emotions which can cause problems in your relationships with other people. This is a common problem for many people with Asperger’s. If you can’t communicate your feelings how can you develop relationships with other people?

It may be difficult but finding ways to communicate are not impossible. Communication is not always direct. It can often times be sideways and ambiguous.  Miscommunication can be a problem in any relationship but with Asperger’s avoiding miscommunication can be especially tricky.

Adrienne Warber writes in her article Asperger Relationships:

 A person with Aspergers and his loved ones may find themselves in conflicts that have root in key aspects of the condition. The conflicts are often misunderstandings that stem from differences in emotional responses, communication and social skills problems, routines and obsessive behaviors. The person without Aspergers orneurotypical and the person with Aspergers may have different sets of expectations and ways of relating in a relationship. Learning about Asperger characteristics can help family members and friends better understand their loved one.

While the article is talking about romantic relationships the principle can be applied to any relationship because all relationships rely on communication skills.

As I stated in my previous blog, people with Asperger’s Syndrome struggle from mind blindness. Meaning they have difficulty interpreting people’s behaviors, emotions and body language. This can lead to the person with Asperger’s to misinterpret the other person’s response as being negative or inappropriate. Also the person with Asperger’s, because he or she has has misunderstood the other person’s motivations, may react in a way that is inappropriate or negative.

The way to solve this issue and for the social relationship be it friendly, coworking, amorous or otherwise is for all parties involved to have a clear understanding of the disorder and of the person who has it. Autism is a spectrum disorder so we all exhibit it in different ways and it is important to understand not only what the disorder is, but how it affects us on an individual basis.  According to Adrienne Warber, everyone should work together to solve communications problems that may affect any relationships.  She is right. Relationships take work to succeed, but when one of the people has autism, it may seem that only the neurotypical person is doing all the work and the person with Asperger’s may not feel anything which is simply not true. People with Asperger’s can have difficulties expressing what they are feeling or what they need.  Understanding this can help any relationship.

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